Friends vs Best Friends
by Scotty1609
Summary: A series of Bruce Wayne/Batman Friendship!fics, because Batsie isn't friendly enough! Up now: Bruce and J'onn! 'T' for paranoia!
1. Bruce and Barry

**I've noticed that there are a lot of Dick/Wally friendship fics. (and NOT slash, I mean) So, I decided to do a Bruce/Barry (NO SLASH) friendship fic. :)**

**I own nothing. :*(**

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><p><em>Friends: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.<em>

_Best Friends: Help themselves and are the reason you never have any food._

Bruce felt his eye develop a twitch as he opened the mini-Bat-fridge in the Bat-Cave. His Jello pudding was _gone_. _His_ tapioca Jello pudding was G.O.N.E. _Gone_. He knew that it wasn't Dick, because Dick knew better, and Wally hated tapioca. So... who else would be in the Bat-fridge?

A hot pink sticky note answered his question.

_Bats:_

_You're out of tapioca again!_

_-Flash_

The twitch turned to a massive tick.

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Will help you move.<em>

_Best Friends: Will help you move a dead body._

"BATS! What the _Hell_ did you do?"

"Shut up, Allen, and hand me the shovel!"

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Help you when you fall.<em>

_Best Friends: Walk by and say, "Walk much?"_

Barry felt the road-rash coming on even as he just stepped on the banana peel. Who the heck leaves a _banana peel_ right in the middle of the _hallway_ on the _floor_ in the _Watchtower_?

As he fell, face-first, successfully getting a nose-bleed, Barry saw Bruce out of the corner of his eye shove a small piece of a banana into his mouth. As he swallowed, the man chuckled and said, "Walk much, dumba**?"

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Borrow your stuff and give it back to you later.<em>

_Best Friends: Lose your stuff and say, "My bad... Here's a tissue."_

Batman stalked over to where Flash was eating his lunch, rapid-fire, making Hawkwoman and Black Canary laugh. The Scarlet Speedster didn't even look up as his teammate approached, but said, "Hey, Bats!" with a mouthful of hotdogs.

"Allen, I need back my flash drive."

The speedster snorted.

Batman growled. "No _pun _intended..."

As Barry wiped his mouth, he turned and gave Batman a sheepish grin. "Uh... Yeah, _about _that... I lost it." He held out the ketchup-stained napkin to Bats. "Here's a napkin!"

A vein in Bruce's neck popped out, and Barry flinched. "Bye, girls!" In a flash of red, he was gone.

"ALLEN!"

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Think you are insane for jumping from a roof to a trampoline.<em>

_Best Friends: Are jumping right after you._

"There is no way in _Hell_ that I am jumping off this roof!"

"Man up, Allen, unless you want to be burnt to a crisp."

Casting a frightened glance back at the flames, Flash groaned and flipped off the roof with a loud cry of, "CANNONBALL!"

As he landed safely in the firefighters' safety-net, Batman jumped after him- but shot out his grappling hook at the last moment and swung off towards Gotham.

"CHEATER!"

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Lend you a pregnancy test.<em>

_Best Friends: Are there knocking at the door, screaming, "Name it after me!"_

Diana took in a deep breath as Bruce wrapped his arms around her stomach, leaving a row of kisses up her neck. Both pairs of blue eyes watched the stick with inclined fear, worry, excitement, and eagerness. Diana fidgeted with her wedding band as Bruce kissed her earlobe.

Then, a blue blue line appeared.

Instantly, Diana was shouting with joy as Bruce swung her around in a circle-

"HEY! BATS! You're naming it Barry, right?"

That same tick again formed in Bruce's forehead. He turned to the bathroom door and shouted, "And why the HELL would I name my child _Bartholomew_?"

"...Just an idea..."

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Come to see your wife and baby in the hospital.<em>

_Best Friends: Are there when your baby is born._

Dick and Wally were arm-wrestling on the little kids' play-table as Alfred sat behind them, casting disapproving glares at the teens, who ignored him blatantly. Sighing, the old man went back to his knitting.

Athena crawled over and pulled on her big brother's hair, earning a yelp from the Boy Wonder. "Athena!"

The blue-eyes, brown-haired baby cooed and sat on her rump, blowing raspberries at Dick. He couldn't help but smile as he picked her up into his arms and tickled her belly. Tim came over and, smiling, began to make funny faces at the infant.

Diana sat back, smiling and leaning against Bruce's chest as he held her hand in his. They watched their daughter as she, for a lack of better terms, beat up Wally with Dick and Tim as her cheerleaders.

Then, a nurse came in, smiling. "Would you like to see the babies?"

Bruce's eyes widened as he stood, Diana with him. "Bab_ies_?"

She nodded, smiling a bit too widely. "Yes. Mrs. Allen delivered two healthy twins- a boy and a girl. Would you like to see them?" she repeated.

Bruce smirked and nodded, but Wally and Dick, still holding Athena, were already running ahead. Tim raced after his big brother on short and stubby legs.

Iris was sitting upright on the bed, holding a bundle of pink in her arms. Barry stood next to her, a broad smile on his features, as he held a bundle of blue. Diana picked up the girl from Iris's arms and 'awed' when she saw that the baby had a full head of red hair. The boy, Bruce saw, also had spiky red fluff on his head.

"What did you name them?" Tim asked innocently as he clambered up onto his godmother's bed. Smiling, Iris turned to Barry, who answered softly.

"This is Jai Thomas Allen." Bruce's heart lurched. "And that," Barry nodded to the yawning bundle in Diana's arms, "is Kailee Martha Allen."

Bruce was speechless. Barry grinned genuinely as he handed the baby boy to the other man. "I may never have know them, but if they made a man as great as you, they must have been great themselves."

As he watched the baby grab onto his finger, Bruce nodded. "They were."

He would never admit that tears were in his eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>In case you didn't know, Bruce's parents' names were 'Martha' and 'Thomas' Wayne. So... cha.<strong>

**If you guys really liked this, then I might do more chapters with friendship. Maybe like, 'Bruce and Oliver' or 'Diana and Dinah' or even some YJ pairings. :))) Maybe?**

**let me know if that's a good idea! :)**


	2. Bruce and Oliver

**Okay, I looooooved writing these so much, that I couldn't wait for another chapter.**

**Bruce and Oliver.**

**I own nothing.**

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><p><em>Friends: Bail you out of jail.<em>

_Best Friends: Are sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was AWESOME!"_

Bruce buried his face in his hands._ How_ on _Earth_ had Oliver roped him into this? Oh, well, it would help keep up the pretense of 'stupid, half-washed, lady-killer billionaire'. But, in all honesty, _how_ could he have been roped into _this_?

Beside him, the shirtless, drunken archer exclaimed, "Dude! That was _frickin' awesome_!"

Bruce moaned as he rubbed his temples. _I am going to _kill_ Queen..._

Meanwhile, the guards were getting a few pretty good photographs and quotes.

_Friends: Know only a few things about you._

_Best Friends: Could write a VERY embarrassing biography on your life._

"Hey, Bruce, remember when you were twenty-six, and you got drunk at Susana's and then, you jumped from the-"

"Queen."

"Sorry... Hey, remember that other time when we were in Prague and Roy and Dick had run off, so you took that pole and found a worm and-"

"_Queen_."

"Sorry, sorry... Hey! Remember that time-"

"I will kill you, Oliver."

"..."

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Call your parents 'Mr.' and 'Mrs.' and your grandparents the same.<em>

_Best Friends: Call your parents 'Mom' and 'Dad' and your grandparents 'Grams' and 'Gramps'._

The old butler set the tea set down gently in front of the two billionaires as they discussed their merger and stocks. Bruce looked up and smiled gently. "Thanks, Alfred."

Oliver nodded as he sunk his teeth into the pastries. Alfred bowed his head and responded, "You are welcome, Master Bruce."

Oliver grinned, sugar in his teeth, and said, "Thanks, Gramps!"

Alfred smiled as he left. "You are welcome, Ollie."

Bruce cocked an eyebrow.

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Need to be told not to tell.<em>

_Best Friends: Know not to tell._

Oliver hissed as Bruce poured cleansing alcohol on his bullet wound. The blonde grit his teeth and arched his head back as Bruce used tweezers to pull out the bullet. Bruce saw this and swallowed before letting Oliver take his free hand. "Da**... Dinah's gonna kill me..."

Once the bullet was out of his side, Oliver sat up, panting, and let Bruce dress his wounds with gauze. "You're an idiot, Queen."

Nothing else was said as Bruce gave his teammate some painkillers and antibiotics.

Nothing _needed_ to be said.

As Oliver was about to fall asleep on the medical bed in the Cave, his brown eyes caught Bruce's navy. The latter nodded, a silent communication made, and Oliver smirked as he fell asleep.

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Take away your drink when you've had enough.<em>

_Best Friends: Tell you, "Hey! Drink that up- you know we don't waste!"_

They were at Oliver's bachelor party. And, Bruce had _finally_ let off his chain a _bit_. Sadly, that was all that Barry and Oliver had needed to get him thoroughly and _completely_ drunk.

Now, Bruce was stumbling all over Oliver's penthouse, an eerie 'Joker-like' smile on his face. He giggled, to everyone's surprise, and hiccuped, before looking down at his drink. Some part of him screamed to put it down-

But Oliver, even more drunk than his fellow billionaire, threw an arm around Bruce's neck and shouted, "Drink that up, B-Batsie!" _Hiccup!_ "You know we... we don't waste!"

Off to the side, Barry, who was upset that he couldn't get drunk, was propping his head up on the counter. John leaned in next to him. "Shouldn't we take away their beers?"

Barry cast a jealous glance over at the two, then grunted, "Naw. They'll still have hangovers in the morning."

* * *

><p><em>Friend: Says 'hi' to you in Wal-Mart.<em>

_Best Friend: Jumps you from another isle with a Nerf sword._

Bruce mentally groaned as he looked at the diapers. There were so many different kinds! At least he wasn't buying... _products_... for Diana and Cassandra again... He shivered. _That_ had been truly terrifying.

Athena blew raspberries and kicked her daddy's back from her 'baby-containment-jacket', as Bruce called it. Dick looked over the diapers as Tim crawled his way up the teen's shoulders. The four-year-old tugged on Dick's hair, squealing in a way that made Bruce smile.

Finally, Dick simply threw two packages into the basket. "Let's g-"

"RAUGH!"

Before Bruce could figure out what was going on, he was standing above an unconscious body, his fists at the ready. Athena squeaked and clapped her hands as Bruce chuckled. There, on the floor, was Oliver Queen, a styrafoam sword in his hands.

From around the corner came two voices. "Ollie?" and "Dab-Dab!"

Bruce swore under his breath, and Athena shouted, "Shi'd!"

Bruce repeated the word.

Dick burst out laughing when Artemis rounded the corner, baby Lian in her arms. She cocked an eyebrow when she saw Oliver, then, looking back up, she simply remarked, "Can I get a ride home?"

* * *

><p><em>Friend: Tells you to stop fighting.<em>

_Best Friend: Has your back when you're taking down those jackwads!_

It started when the guy looked at Artemis. Dick and Roy had shot him a look, and he turned away.

Then, after the movie, when Bruce and Oliver were coming to meet them for pizza, the dude pinched her butt.

Before Roy or Dick could react, Bruce was already holding the dude's arms to his sides while Oliver beat his face black and blue.

When the sirens started, Roy picked Dick up and threw him over his shoulder before grabbing Artemis's arm and running away, screaming like a mad-man just for the fun of it, shrieking backward, "THUGS! THUGS! THUUUUUGS!"

Hal paid bail for Bruce and Oliver later that night, and Roy was 'grounded' for a month. ("I don't CARE if you're twenty-one! You're still GROUNDED!")

* * *

><p><em>Friends: Tell you to go easy on the kid.<em>

_Best Friends: Are rooting you on as you spank them._

"OUCH! Bruce! I'm almost sixteen! Why are you- OUCH!"

"Yeaaaaaah, Bruce! Twenty-two more! Wooo hooo!"

Athena and Lian sat back, giggling and blowing raspberries as they watched Bruce, Dick laying over his knee, reapeatedly whack the teen's butt with a wooden spoon. Alfred entered the room, saw the scene, and sighed, shaking his head, before leaving.

* * *

><p><em>Friend: Will watch what's on TV.<em>

_Best Friend: Will wrestle your kid for the remote._

"AUUUUUGH! ABUSE! ABUSE!"

"Shut up, Harper!"

* * *

><p><em>Friend: Will drop it when you say you're fine.<em>

_Best Friend: Will look you straight in the eye and say, "Nice try. Now what's REALLY wrong?"_

Oliver wiped away his tears as Bruce came back over, still in suit from their last mission, but with his cowl down. He had two glasses of water, one of which he handed to the archer. When he saw the tear-track stains, Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Queen?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"I'm not much one for talking, but what's wrong?"

Oliver shook his head as he sipped his water- Bruce could see his hand shaking. "I'm fine."

Rolling his eyes, the other man sat down across from Oliver and leaned over. "Nice try, Queen."

There was a long silence, then- "Dinah had a miscarriage..."

Bruce felt his heart fall. "Q- Oliver... I- I'm sorry..."

Oliver shrugged, and Bruce snorted, shaking his head. "You don't have to be strong, Oliver. You- you lost... Just cry, already."

And Oliver did. Despite himself, Bruce had a hand on the man's back through the rest of the night as he wept.

* * *

><p><em>Friend: Has never seen you cry.<em>

_Best Friend: Won't tell anyone that they've seen you cry... more than once._

**Eight years earlier...**

Bruce let the downpour come over his neck and face. It felt like salt in a fresh wound, but it really was. The graves in front of him were his anchors to the Earth. He knew nothing... _Felt_ nothing... He _was_ nothing. He may have been Batman, he may have Alfred, but he no longer had himself. He was gone, lost, forever...

The tears came hard, and the tears came fast.

Then, a warm, thick _something_- later to be known a a _jacket_- was laid over his shoulders. Bruce jumped and turned to look over at-

"O-Oliver?"

The blonde smirked lightly and nodded.

"Did you follow me out here?"

Again, he nodded. After a few long moments of silence, Oliver spoke- but not to Bruce.

"Martha, Thomas, thank you for raising Bruce right... He's a great hero, but an even better man. Thank you for my best friend."

Bruce felt the tears come on again- but he wouldn't cry. _Not_ in front of _Queen_.

"Let's get you home," Oliver said as he helped Bruce up. He didn't comment when the man- _weeping_ man- leaned against him the whole way back to the Manor.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, so, I actually came up with the 'Tells you to go easy on the kid vs. roots you on when you're spanking them'. You all can use it, if you want to, but credit me, please. :D<strong>

**Anyways...**

**Which heroes should be in the next chapter?**

**1) Clark + Bruce**

**2) Dinah + Bruce**

**3) Hal + Bruce**


	3. Bruce and Clark

**Kinda' short, yeah, but I think this is my favorite, no matter how much I hate Superman right now- ACCEPT YOUR SON YOU #$&(*#$(*&#()$*&!^#!**

**Anyways, I own nothing- no duhr, oh so 'amazing' creators-of-Fan!...**

**R&R?**

_Friends: Pick you up when your car breaks down._

_Best Friends: Will make you wait for an hour or more, stop to get Starbucks, and say 'they'll be right there'._

Clark sighed heavily to himself as he leaned against his car, eyes flickering over his watch. Normally, if his car broke down, he could just fly back to his apartment- or super-speed there- but _not_ while he was in the company parking lot.

So, not knowing what else to do, he had called Bruce for help. Looking back, he should have called Barry or John or Hal- even Oliver could have gotten there quicker. But, _noooo_, he just _had_ to call Bruce.

_Why me?_

Then, a very nice silver Porsche pulled forward. The black-tinted driver's window rolled down, and Bruce's face appeared, his blue eyes shining with mischief.

"What took you so long?"

Then, Bruce lifted a Vanilla Bean to his lips and sipped it.

_Why me?_

…

_Friends: Only know a few things about you._

_Best Friends: Could write a VERY embarrassing story about your life._

"Hey, Bruce, can you help me out? I have a date with Lois, and I need someone to take up my monitor duty-"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"PLEASE!"

"N.O. No."

"Okay, then, I guess I'll just have to do a biography on the great 'Bruce Wayne' in the paper this weekend-"

"You... Wouldn't..."

"Oh, but I would. Remember that time in Puerto Rico-"

"What time?"

…

_Friends: Call you 'honey' in text messages._

_Best Friend: Calls you gay for it._

CK: Hi, Honey.

BW: ger away frm me, gaywad.

CK:*blushes* That was for Lois, sorry.

BW: stay away frm my son.

…

_Friends: Will be cautious not to annoy you._

_Best Friends: Will know they're annoying you, and continue to do it anyways._

Clark Kent, now known as Superman for about a year, smirked at Bruce Wayne, Batman for three, as he readied his spit-gun. Slowly, he raised it to his lips and- _pfwt!_

"Hey! Bruce, that hurt!"

"You use spit-balls. I use darts."

…

_Friend: Gives you your phone back when they find it._

_Best Friend: Changes all of your contacts into Harry Potter characters and waits for you to find it._

A very disgruntled Batman walked into the Monitor room, looking over and under different boxes and chairs for _something_. Superman sat back in his chair, smirking slightly. "Hey, Bruce! What'cha lookin' for?"

Batman stood, Bat-Glaring fiercely. "Nothing, Farm-boy."

Superman turned around, smiling broadly. "Come on! Maybe I can help!"

The Dark Knight Glared even harder, but finally grunted, "Fine. Have you seen my cell-phone? I think Barry hid it from me again."

Clark made his best straight-face ever. "Hrm... No, sorry, haven't seen it." Before Batman could say anything, Superman turned around sharply, trying to stifle his (manly) giggles.

Raising an eyebrow beneath his cowl, Bruce walked over and shoved his hand in Clark's pocket- "HEY!"- and withdrew his cell-phone. "Nice try, Kent." He began to flip through his contacts, looking for Selina's number. Finally-

"_Why_ is my girlfriend labeled as 'Hermione Granger'?"

"HAHAHAHA- OUCH!"

…

_Friend: Will offer you a soda._

_Best Friend: Dumps theirs on you._

"Hey, Bruce, can you toss me a Coke?"

_SPLASH_

"HEY! What was _that_ for?"

"Hermione... Granger?"

…

_Friend: Would knock on you front door._

_Best Friend: Walks right in, shouting, "Honey! I'm home!"_

"HONEY! I'm hoooome!"

"... So that text wasn't an accident, was it?"

…

_Friends: Make you feel better when you're mad._

_Best Friends: Run around screaming, "SH**, HE'S PISSED!"_

"BARTHOLOMEW ALLEN!"

Suddenly, Superman ran into the Meeting Room where all of the Leaguers were gathered. He crouched behind Wonder Woman's chair, to the woman's _obvious_ delight. "SH**! HE'S PISSED!"

Flash suddenly stood. "Gottagobye!"

In a flash of red, the speedster was gone.

…

_Friends: Listen to what you say._

_Best Friends: Listen to what you did NOT say._

Superman landed silently in the Bat-Cave. He saw Bruce, his cowl down, sitting at the computer, typing away quickly. Even at such a distance, the Kryptonian could see his teammate's jaw clenched tightly. Taking in a deep breath, Clark walked over. It wasn't until he was standing about a foot behind Bruce's chair did the Dark Knight acknowledge him. "Why the Hell are you here, Kent?"

Clark wet his lips. "I heard about Ro- Dick..." He took another deep breath. "Bruce, he's gonna be okay-"

Bruce turned around sharply in his chair, and Clark was shocked to see the tears in his eyes, the paleness of his face. "He has a broken collarbone, collapsed lung, major concussion, blood loss, and is in a coma. Has been for three days." His eyes narrowed, making the tears grow. "You weren't there, so don't try to help it."

Turning back around swiftly, the man continued his work Clark silently stood there- he stood there for almost five minutes. Then, he pulled up a chair to sit next to Bruce. He had read the underlying tone of his best friend's glare.

_I'm scared... Please stay..._

...

**Did you like it? Did you like it?**

**Yeah, I know the ending was kind of depressing- BUT I HAD TO PUT ROBIN TORTURE IN! I'M SORRY!**

**Okay, so...**

**1) Bruce and Dinah**

**2) Bruce and J'onn**

**3) Bruce and ?**

**Please, don't review. *giggle***


	4. Bruce and Hal

**I own nothing. PERFECT tie for Dinah and J'onn, so I took HAL instead! GIGGLES!**

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><p><em><strong>Friends: Tell you not to do something stupid while you're drunk.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Capture the moment on video.**_

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

Diana rolled her eyes as she stood there next to the Christmas tree, watching Hal chug beer. Of course, the contest is _supposed_ to be milk or that other excuse for a dairy product, but _nooooo_- they had run out of eggnog, so Hal had decided to use the next best thing.

Bruce came over to stand next to his girlfriend, and she noticed a small black device in his hand. "Bruce, what-"

"Camera."

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!- AW! MY NEW SHOES!"

_**Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days.**_

_**Best Friends: Steal your stuff so often, you can't remember if it's theirs or yours.**_

"Hey, Bruce?"

Batman turned from his position in front of the monitors to see Green Lantern walking up to him, some sort of mechanical object in hand.

"_What_ is that, Jordan?"

"I dunno, but it's yours."

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is! I st- borrowed it from you, like, a week ago."

"No, idiot, I borrowed it from _you_ two weeks ago."

Hal stood there for a moment, confused, before shrugging. Then, he turned down the hallway. "Hey, Clark, I found something of your's!"

_**Friends: Will call the person who freaked out at you a jerk.**_

_**Best Friends: Will break that person's ego- and nose.**_

"Uh... Bruce?"

"Yes?"

"Just because he didn't like my new haircut, _doesn't mean you need to put him in a body cast_!"

"..."

_**Friends: Will say that they can't handle it anymore.**_

_**Best Friends: Will say, "Okay, just one more..." FIVE MINUTES LATER... "Okay, just one more..."**_

Hal swore as he did another bench-press. Batman had _insisted_ that the meta-humans figure out how to survive without their powers, so now, Green Lantern was stuck weight-lifting.

He felt a presence over him, and a deep voice said, "One more."

The pilot swore out loud. "Y-you said that five minutes ago!"

"I'm saying it again. And, I'm the Batman- so you listen."

_**Friends: Stab you in the back.**_

_**Best Friends: Stab you with straws.**_

"SH- JORDAN!" Bruce pulled around, red-faced, from Diana. His girlfriend cocked an eyebrow as she peered over his shoulder, to where Oliver and Barry were pointing at Hal. The Green Lantern smiled meekly before throwing a straw wrapper in the air and running away, screaming.

_**Friends: Chuckle at your jokes.**_

_**Best Friends: Turn blue in the face.**_

"... It wasn't _that_ funny, Jordan..."

"SOMEONE CALL THE MEDICAL BAY!"

_**Friends: Wake you up when it's time to go.**_

_**Best Friends: Are your pillow.**_

Batman sighed heavily as he looked out the window of the Javelin. Really, did Jordan _have_ to use his shoulder as a pillow? Robin told Batman all the time that he made a _terrible_ pillow! _This is so gay..._

But, Hal had a major concussion, three bullet wounds to the chest, and a knife in his knee.

_Just this once..._

_**Friends: Call you crazy for jumping off a bridge.**_

_**Best Friends: Are shoving you off.**_

"Well, _Green Lantern_," Batman spat from his spot on the roof, his back towards a _huge_ fire. "_You_ can fly! I _can't_."

"You have your belt-thingie, right?"

Batman's eyes narrowed. "You mean the one you 'borrowed' earlier tonight and 'accidentally' blew up?"

From his spot hovering above the Dark Knight, Hal shrugged. Then, the fire jumped out further. "You'd better jump, Bats."

"I am no idiot, Jor- SHI-"

"TIIIIMBER!"

_**Friends: Is jealous of your love history.**_

_**Best Friends: Is cleaning up your mess.**_

"Hey, Bruce," Hal called from the men's locker room entrance in the Hall of Justice. Batman, cocking an eyebrow, came over, only to find the Green Lantern in civvies, trying on different suit jackets. "Which one is better?"

"Why?"

Hal rolled his eyes. "I have a hot date, that's why!"

"..."

"Well?"

"Well, _what_?"

"Don't you wanna know who it is?"

"No."

"You're supposed to say 'Yeah, Hal! I'd _love_ to know who that sexy lady you're dating is!'"

"Fine, Jordan. Who the Hell said yes to _you_?"

"That's not the same."

"_Jordan..._"

"Selina Kyle."

Batman's eye twitched.

"OUCH!"

_**Friends: Don't have anything to say.**_

_**Best Friends: Won't shut the HECK UP!**_

HJ: Hey, wuz up dude?

BW: workin.

HJ: U kno what I did 2day?

BW: workin.

HJ: after I went on a date with S, I got called to a mission.

BW: _working_

HJ: it was poison ivy, actly. Im surprized u didnt kno.

BW: Work. Ing.

HJ: anywayz, I was wunderin if u- _INCOMING MESSAGE_

BW: if u dnt stop txting me, I will (***&##&$*&(&$#**_**)**_

"Well then... HEY! That's _illegal_!"

_**Friends: Will ignore that pimple on your chin.**_

_**Best Friends: Will scream from halfway across the room, "HEY! YOU'VE GOT A WHITE-HEAD ON YOUR MUG!"**_

Bruce leaned in to kiss Diana, when-

"BRUCE! YOU HAVE A WHITE-HEAD ON YOUR- AW SH-"

_**Friends: Give you your money when they find it.**_

_**Best Friends: Say, "Finders-keepers."**_

Batman scowled as he walked past the Meeting Room. Tim had given him a 'Barnes and Nobles' gift card for Christmas, but now...

"Jordan, have you seen- What on _earth_ are you reading?"

"Technically, we're in space."

_* Bat-Glare *_

"Jeesh! It's a Spiderman comic-book! Okay?"

"Fine. Have you seen- wait... JORDAN!"

_**Friends: Wait for a reasonable time to call you.**_

_**Best Friends: Ring at 2 AM.**_

Bruce swore inwardly as he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. A very pregnant Amazonian sat up with him. "B-Bruce? What's wrong?"

The ringing communicator on the bed-side beckoned for the Dark Knight, so, he kissed his wife and said, "It's nothing, Diana. Go back to sleep."

She nodded and did so, snoring as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Bruce sighed, smiling gently, then turned all of his rage on the communicator. "Hello?"

As soon as Hal's voice came on, Bruce could tell he had been crying. The billionaire sighed. "Channel?"

The nod could be heard over the metal earwig.

"Alright... What happened?"

_**Friends: Will say "Yeah, I'd take a bullet for you."**_

_**Best Friends: TAKE that bullet for you.**_

Hal swore over and over and over again as he put pressure on the hole in Batman's chest. Back-up was at least half an hour away. So, Hal had to keep Bruce alive until then. _Easy... Right?_

A gurgle of blood came up from the man's mouth, and Green Lantern bit back tears. "Bruce, I have a shield! Why the heck did you take that?"

"R-R-Reflex..." Batman murmured the excuse, helping to put pressure on his bullet-wound.

But Hal knew he was lying. Batman was just paranoid- especially after that once that Hal's shield had broken.

If it was one thing Bruce didn't trust, it was powers.

One thing he did, though, was Hal.

_That's why I need to keep him alive..._

It felt like an hour, but it was only about twenty-two minutes. _New high-score!_ Bats was taken to Medical, where he was treated. Barry, still in uniform, crouched next to Hal in the dirty alleyway. "What _happened_, Hal?"

Then, the realization struck.

"It was a gold bullet."

**If you don't understand the 'gold bullet' thing, _pleeeeease_ go watch the new Green Lantern movie. (It's beast.)**

**REVIEWS?**

**A) Dinah**

**B) J'onn**


	5. Bruce and Dinah

**YAY! You guys voted for Dinah!**

**I own nothing.**

**Warnings: humor, _sliiiiiiiiight_ Dinah/Bruce at the end. :)**

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><p><em><strong>Friends: Pay your bail.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Break you out of jail.**_

"Dinah, what did you _do_?"

"Shut it, Wayne, and toss me your file."

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><p><em><strong>Friends: Help you up when you fall.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Trip you after you get up, then laugh hysterically.**_

Bruce grunted as he put down the weights, wiping sweat away from his forehead with the back of his hand. He took in a swig of water, and then moved towards the training room closet to get a fresh towel-

And tripped over his untied shoelaces.

"Aw, sh-"

But laughter cut him off.

Looking up from in between his black bangs, Bruce scowled when he saw Black Canary laughing at him. "I've _never_ seen the great Dark Knight trip!" she cackled, grinning. Bruce rolled his eyes, then stood, brushing himself off.

"That's because it happens once in a blue- OOPH!"

"What's a blue ooph, Bruce?"

"I'll kill you, Dinah."

"You can't kick my butt!"

"…."

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><p><em><strong>Friends: Will say that words can't hurt you.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Will hit you over the head with a dictionary to prove that they can.**_

An eight-month pregnant Dinah Lance-Queen wobbled into the Hall's entertainment room, tears in her eyes. Bruce sighed heavily. _Great job, Ollie._

The woman plopped down on the couch next to Bruce and hugged a pillow to her chest, peering over his shoulder as she tried not to cry. "What- What're you reading?"

"Dictionary."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Uh-"

Bruce held up the baby-translator book, and Dinah giggled. It _almost_ made the Dark Knight smile to see his best friend laugh. "Harper got it for me. Apparently, different coos mean different things in baby-speak, and Athena loves to talk."

Dinah rolled her eyes, and there was a long pause.

"What did Oliver say?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Dinah."

She took in a deep breath. "Oh, it's not really his fault… I mean, I asked if I looked fat, and-"

Bruce groaned.

"Well, he didn't really say 'Yes', but- Ouch!"

Bruce had lightly rapped her on the head with the dictionary. "You're Black Canary for God's sake. You don't take any crap. Now go tell off your husband."

Dinah stood, holding her stomach with one hand. "Yeah! Oh, and Bruce-" she snapped up the dictionary and whacked him upside the head.

"OUCH!"

"Don't _ever_ hit me with a dictionary. Ever. Again."

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><p><em><strong>Friends: Take the blame.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Are at fault, but still blame you.**_

Bruce looked up from where he was at Monitor Duty. He cocked an eyebrow beneath his cowl when he saw Dinah dart into the room, very uncharacteristically. She closed the door quickly, her chest heaving as she took in deep breaths.

"What did you do?"

"I _may_ have shaved Roy's beard while he was sleeping."

Bruce shook his head, rolling his eyes. "You're dead."

"_Actually_…." She chuckled uneasily.

"BRUCE ANTHONY WAYNE!"

"You didn't."

"Bye, Bats! Good luck!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Friends: Keep a secret.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Post your secret on the Internet.**_

Batman Has Crush on Wonder Woman

"DINAH!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Friends: Have their camera ready at opportunistic moments.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Create those moments.**_

"The big three-oh," Dinah hissed to herself with a grin. She put the washable marker in her back pocket, then whipped out her cell phone. "Happy Birthday, Bruce."

He _did_ look pretty nice with a mustache- especially on YouTube.

"LANCE!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Friends: Watch your kids for you.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Are there when your kids are born.**_

"Bruce Wa-augh!"

How he was stuck in the _Amazon rainforest _with _no way out_ or _no way of contacting help_, with a pregnant teammate- scratch that. An _in labor _teammate.

Dinah screamed again and punched Bruce's shoulder- _hard_. He may have been the Dark Knight, but no one- _no. one._- can stand up to the power of a pregnant woman.

"AUGH!"

Bruce felt ready to puke. "Alright…. Uh- just…. Push?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO D-oooooooh!"

The sudden crying of a newborn infant filled the jungle air, and Dinah gasped. Bruce held up a baby girl with a tuft of bright blonde hair. Looking rather pale, the Dark Knight smiled as he used one hand to pull off his cape and tear down his cowl. He rubbed the baby clean, and then wrapped her tightly in the ruined black fabric. The whole time, Dinah couldn't take her eyes off the baby.

Bruce gently set the infant on Dinah's swollen stomach, letting out a sigh of relief. _It's over… Thank God…_

Black Canary took the baby into her arms and rocked her back and forth, her chest still heaving as she panted to catch her breath, sweat pouring down her forehead. "Thank you, Bruce…" Her voice cracked as she let out a joyful sob. "Oh, God, Bruce… Look at her… Thank you so, _so_ much…"

Bruce nodded, sitting back on his heels, the hot air soaking through his black suit. "What are you going to name her?"

Looking deep into the baby's face, taking in all of her features, Dinah let out a slow breath. "Oliver and I decided on Anna Maria."

Bruce smirked and moved to sit next to the blonde, rubbing his finger over Anna Maria's plump cheek. She grabbed onto his finger and cooed, cuddling it tightly.

"Alright, God-father Bruce. Get us the _Hell_ out of here."

"Da**…."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Friends: Drop off soup when you're sick.<strong>_

_**Best Friends: Come armed with most of Walgreens and a good chunk of Blockbuster, ready to share your misery a good week later.**_

Twenty-year-old Bruce Wayne sneezed and swore, shivering as he huddled down further into the couch. Alfred was in England, visiting his mother, who, frankly, Bruce was surprised was even still _alive_. What was she- ninety?

The door opened, and Bruce was on his feet and in a fighting stance. Then, a tall and voluptuous blonde appeared. Her arms were laden with bags, all labeled 'Walgreens', and she had several movies under her chin, trapped against her neck.

"Dinah, wha-" But a sneeze cut off the young billionaire.

Dinah kicked him down onto the couch gently, smiling as she dropped the bags on his gut.

"Ooph! Oh, you really know how to make a guy smile when he's sick."

She rolled her eyes. "Ollie's already ticked that I'm even over here, Wayne, so shut it."

She bent over to kiss his forehead, and Bruce moved away. "What the Hell are you-"

"Taking your temperature. Now shush."

She kissed his forehead, and Bruce felt his whole body go warm. "Alright, Dark Knight-"

His eyes grew wide. "How did you-"

She smirked. "Ever heard of the Black Canary?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "I should have known…"

"Yeah, you should've."

She sat down at his feet and began to pull things out of her bags.

"You're gonna get sick-"

"Do I look like I care?"

Bruce just watched as she pulled out several items: cold compressors, Advil, cough drops, cough syrup, a hot-and-cold pack, and cough-drop-lollipops _(gotta love those!)_. "Dinah-"

"Don't try to convince me to leave-"

He took her hand, smiling. "Thank you."

She paused, hen grinned. "You're welcome."

* * *

><p><strong>Lawlz. You loved it, right?<strong>

**Okay, nooooow:**

**J'onn**

**John**

**Corin**

**REVIEW!**


	6. Bruce and J'onn

**Long story short: My computer got a virus. FROM DEVIANTART...**

**I'm not saying you _can't_ use Deviantart, it's still an awesome website, but we think I got it from saving BASES. And, I'm not saying you _can't_ save bases, I'm just saying that you should be VERY CAREFUL of which artist you get them from... I got mine from several different artists, so I can't say which one gave me the virus, but please don't be toooooooo paranoid...**

**I OWN NOTHING BESIDES THE BUNNNIEEEEES!**

* * *

><p><strong>Friends: Make sure you don't do anything stupid while you're drunk.<strong>

**Best Friends: Turn off all security cameras so you don't get caught.**

Apparently, Barry had been oh-so-kind as to teach J'onn the wonders of alcohol. Now, the Martian was slurring and tripping around as Flash stood there, snorting with laughter. "Who knew Martian blood was so thin?"

Bruce rolled his eyes and pulled up his cowl before stalking up to every corner of the training room and plugging his gauntlet-computer into each security camera. Barry cocked an eyebrow and slowly began, "What are you..."

Then, Flash smirked when he saw all of the little red lights on the cameras click off. "Turning off security?"

"Who knows what a drunk Martian could get up to."

"Right..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Are you going to YouTube it?"

"Heck yes."

**Friends: Cry for you when your long-term relationship goes down the tube.**

**Best Friends: Laugh at you.**

"What. Is. So. Funny?"

J'onn looked up, a merriness in his red, glowing eyes. "I am unaware of which you speak."

"_I _broke it off, for the record."

"Was Miss Selina thrown in prison again?"

"... Maybe..."

**Friends: Watch 'Cops' with you.**

**Best Friends: Are on 'Cops' with you.**

Dick spewed Coke from his nose and lips, making Athena squeal with joy at the brown 'rain'. But, the teen wasn't paying attention to her. His eyes were glued to the TV.

Slowly, he reached for his cellphone and called Bruce.

"_Dick. I'm in a meeting. What-"_

"Why are you and Martian Manhunter on Cops?"

"_Crap..."_

**Friends: Watch fireworks with you.**

**Best Friends: Ambush you with Roman Candles and bottle rockets.**

"And you are sure, Flash, that this is a human Independence Day tradition?"

"I _am_ a human, aren't I?"

"I suppose..."

_Five minutes later._

"ACK!"

"Pardon me, Batman, but you scream like a female."

**Friends: Tell off who hurt you.**

**Best Friends: Call you from a jail-cell, saying that they took care of it.**

John Jones, detective for Metropolis city, frowned as he reached for his work phone. Every time he answered it, it meant a new case, a new murder or kidnapping or something else sad on this new home planet of his.

"This is Detective John Jones. How may I assist you?"

"_Hey, J'onn. It's Bruce."_

"Ba- Bruce. Why are you calling me?"

"_Yeah... Uh, I'm kinda in jail, and I don't want Diana to know- plus, I think Ollie's in the cell over. Anyways, Dinah refuses to post my bail again, and-"_

"What did you do?" J'onn tried, and failed, to hide his exasperation.

"_You know that serial rapist who you were trying to catch, but he shot you and you had to feign injury, and-"_

"You are babbling like Nightwing. What is it?"

"_I kinda- well, I took care of him."_

"Bruce-"

"_Bail me out?"_

John sighed and pulled on his coat. "I shall arrive in fifteen minutes."

"_Right."_

"Oh, and Bruce."

"_Yeah?"_

"How did you receive my work number?"

"_I'm the frickin' Batman, J'onn."_

"Of course."

**Friends: Have a movie night with you.**

**Best Friends: Start a fight halfway through the movie because you insulted their favorite actor.**

"ACK! J'onn! What are you doing with my husband?"

"He insulted Morgan Freeman."

"Yeah, but- BRUCE ANTHONY! PUT DOWN THAT FLAMETHROWER!"

**Friends: Help you fix your car.**

**Best Friends: Saran wrap your car with 47 rolls before adding duct tape for good measure.**

J'onn's eye twitched barely noticeably, but just enough for his teammates to notice. Shayera pulled Barry and John away, while Dinah and Oliver took cautious steps forward.

Slowly, mistakenly calm, J'onn pressed his comm unit to call his new _best friend_.

"_Batman, over."_

His voice oddly neutral, Martian Manhunter continued. "Why is my Bio-Ship wrapped in... _saran wrap_?"

"_Red Robin's calling. Got to go."_

"Batman!"

**Friends: Share the last cookie/slice of cake/etc.**

**Best Friends: There will be blood.**

"Gosh, Bruce! What the _heck_ did you _do_?"

"Shut up, Boyscout, and go order some more Oreos!"

**Friends: Listen to what you said.**

**Best Friends: Listen to what you didn't say.**

J'onn could tell something was wrong. Sure, you couldn't tell by looking at the Dark Knight, nor was he talking any more than usual. His posture was the same, his movements not abnormally stiff. His scowl wasn't harsher than usual, and his eyes were not any angrier than usual.

But, J'onn was getting some intense, some _extreme_ vibes from the Dark Knight.

They were not angry. They were not blood-thirsty and maliciously furious.

They were... sad. They were... _tearful_.

So, Martian Manhunter went and sat himself down next to Batman in the monitor room. There was a long, pregnant pause of complete silence.

Then, Batman spoke.

"You weren't on the schedule for today-"

"Batman. Your mental vibes are heavily saddened. May I inquire as to why?"

"I'm-"

"Bruce."

Batman sighed, pulling down his cowl. Bruce Wayne emerged, his eyes deeper black even than usual. He ran a hand through his hair and spoke softly, "Damian and I fought today... He said he wished I was still dead, and that Dick was Batman."

J'onn nodded gently. "M'gann and I have had arguments as such before." Unsure, J'onn placed his hand on Bruce's shoulder. "He will come around. You may trust me."

Bruce nodded back. "I know, J'onn. I know... And... thank you."

**Friends: Walk out with the world.**

**Best Friends: Walk in when the world walks out.**

As the Martian gazed out the window, watching the stars flicker in and out, a single, crystal tear fell down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away, but willed it to dissolve into the air.

"I saw that."

J'onn clenched his hands slightly and didn't turn away. "Batman-"

"It's Bruce now, J'onn. We've gone over this before."

"Bruce, then. Why are you here?"

Batman- Bruce- walked over and stood next to Manhunter, staring out the window of the Watchtower with him. "It's the anniversary."

J'onn's eyes grew wide. "You-"

"Yeah. I remember every date." Bruce sighed, running a hand over his masked face. "I remember when Connor died. I remember when Ralph died. I remember when Barry died..."

A vein in J'onn's throat popped slightly.

"I remember when Jason died, especially... And I remember that today, exactly a year ago, M'gann die-"

"Was _murdered_," J'onn growled, his eyes beginning to glow, "by Superboy Prime..."

Bruce put a hand on J'onn's shoulder. "I know what it's like to lose a child, J'onn. I lost Jason twice..." The Dark Knight sighed. "The feeling never goes away, but it gets easier." He smirked lightly. "You can trust me."

J'onn unclenched his fists and sighed, another tear rolling down his cheek. "I know, Ba- Bruce. I know... Thank you."

"No problem, J'onn. And, even with this... _persona_ I've built up... You can talk to me- about M'gann- whenever you need to. I understand how it hurts..."

A shaky sigh came from the Martian's lips. "Thank you, Bruce."

* * *

><p><strong>R&amp;R~!~!~!~!~!<strong>

**ABOUT: Death of the Bat**

******** I need IDEAS! Prompts! ANYBODY!********

**ABOUT: An Extra Robin in the Nest**

******** ESPECIALLY YOU, Du'Vaarg! I don't know how I should have Older!Robin react with Younger!Robin's Justice League... I was thinking of bringing in Ollie and having him take care of Dick, since he has thirteen-year-old Roy and thirteen-year-old clothes and stuff, but... HELP ME!*********

Merry Christmas

God Bless

Happy Haunakkah

Merry Quanza! (did i spll dat wite?)


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